My Spiritual Journey Part 2

Lately I have been really missing being part of a Charismatic church.  Not everything about it and actually not just lately, I think I've missed it since I moved to Macon!  We went to see Jars of Clay in concert last night and during the show I started reminiscing about my teen/young adult years and I realized that what I have been missing is the passion that I had for the Lord back then.  I still love Him, but back then I didn't care how silly I acted or seemed to other people.  I think of myself back then like a baby deer that is trying to stand up for the first time, so ready to run yet very awkward and I was probably as funny to watch.  I had so much emotion that I think I probably scared some people away!  I guess that is why I became to serious and self-conscious.  I realized how silly I looked and was embarrassed. I do admit that I was a little too emotionally driven in some ways.  Some of my emotion was good and part of my spiritual growth, but a lot of it was me trying to make it all about me and not God.  I know now that I didn't have a very strong biblical foundation.  Now, I have a little emotion and a little more of a solid biblical foundation, but I feel stifled.  I want to be free.  I am tired of trying to look like everyone else.  I want to be so full of the Holy Spirit that He is what people see when they look at me.  That way if I am acting silly it will be because of the Holy Spirit and I can just blame it on Him!  I know that it takes spending time in God's word and in prayer.  So, if you think about me please pray that God will give me the strength to do what I need to do and that He will continue to draw me closer to Him.  I hope that one day I can let go of myself, but until that day comes I hope that my ramblings on about myself and my struggles will encourage someone else.